Thursday, April 22, 2010

Grief Isn't Logical

I woke up early this morning because the nightmares returned. They had abated for the past couple of months, but they seem to be back. Usually it involves me not being able to find Mom because she had wandered off due to the Alzheimer's, one of my greatest fears when she was alive. I wake up in a total panic and usually crying.

I'm not sure why they are back. Maybe because I've been having so much fun the past few days. There is still that twinge of sorrow/guilt for having fun, since it is only possible for me to do these things because she isn't here any more. Grief isn't logical.

Since I couldn't get back to sleep, I did a little dyeing in the wee hours this morning. Just one dyepot.

This is the Softie from the garage sale, pictured below. The yarn bloomed and softened beautifully. It is now a smokey blue. This is destined to become a shawl, perhaps a Danish Tie Shawl if I can get my hands on the Spin-off I need. Or I might wing it.


Cindy said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one suffering from a bit of guilt when having a great time. I'm getting much better at it, but for a while it just felt a bit wrong. And, I love the smokey blue. It came out gorgeous!!!!!!!

Leslie said...

It's a normal thing. This too shall pass and I am glad you are finally feeling like you can at least start to have a good time. Love the blue!

Joseph Potocny said...

Dear Annie,

I cannot feel what you do since I am on the other side of things. But I do know nightmares. Josephine is fine, happy and designing new stuff, she is free. So are you now.

God Bless,

Cyndi said...

I really liked Joe's comment.

The yarned turned out beautiful. The Danish Tie Shaw is easy to do (I'm making one now). You really only need directions on starting it, The pattern is quite mindless.