Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Ever feel this way?

Do you ever just want to scream I want my Mommy!, rant, cry, stomp your feet, and just basically lose it? Yeah, me too.

Mom woke from a nap and didn't know who I was. I mean, there was no recognition whatsoever. She was downright frightened of me.

She hasn't known who I was for a long time, but there was always the knowledge that we were connected somehow, that I was a person who loved her and took care of her, whether she thought I was her sister or her mother. She knew me, even if she didn't know who I was.

Not this time. Let's just say my heart broke a little more.

It didn't last long, but it shows the progression of this dastardly disease.

We watched the movie "Chocolat" last night. I really enjoyed it, I hadn't seen it before. Anyway, Mom's birthday is tomorrow, so I'm going to try to cheer up by baking a chocolate something for her birthday.


flintysooner said...

Yep. It is awful. It must be terrifying for the person with AD. I've tried to imagine what it might be like. It's like coming really close to the edge of a chasm though and then I get too afraid and back off before I finish. As if I might not be able to get back myself if I really allowed my mind to go to wherever that is.

Happy birthday to your mom.

All my admiration and deepest appreciation to you.

Robin said...

Oh Annie, I can't begin to know all you are dealing with. Please know you are thought of by many, including ME!
You have opened my eyes and filled my heart...you've made me laugh and teared my eyes.
I'm now watching my Dad like a hawk, Mom says he's forgetting things...

Happy Birthday to your Mom!!!

Joanne D. Kiggins said...

Yes, Annie. I've wanted to--and have. I'm sorry your mom didn't recognize you. This disease is torture for the loved one and the caregiver. I know the heartbreak and heartwrenching feeling that swells up in our chests when our loved one doesn't know us. It's not an easy moment to deal with. ((HUGS))

cornbread hell said...

happy birthday to mom. happier days for you.

rilera said...

Yes and yes. It's beyond awful. My Mom is starting to have episodes like that too. I hate this disease so much. I cannot fathom it's purpose, other than to torture us loved ones. Hugs and Happy birthday to your Mom and you.

Mary said...

Yes, I've been there also. It's hell.

Happy Birthday to your mother and lots of chocolate for you both.

Annie said...

I knew you all would understand. I try not to let myself think that very often, or like Flinty, I feel like I'll fall into an abyss I'll never crawl out of again.

Thanks to you all.