Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Mom wouldn't go to bed last night. Actually, she went to bed about ten times, but she was up ten or fifteen minutes later each time. It wasn't until 3:15 am that she finally stayed in bed and went to sleep. I tried everything, toilet, cookies and milk, rubbing her back, rubbing her feet, nope, she wanted up. She was up dancing around, laughing and whistling (sort of) the theme from Hogan's Heroes. We had watched an episode a couple of days ago, so that surprised me and made me smile. But I mostly wanted to scream! And cry. And just give up.

I wouldn't want anybody to think I'm all cheeriness and light all the time. I try to keep a positive attitude, but sometimes, especially when I'm tired like today, it just sucks the mother lode. Caregiving is haaard! And I swear if one more person in my real life tells me "Oh, you have to take care of yourself first," without either offering to help or even a suggestion as to how I could actually do that, I'm going to take their platitude and shove it up their you know what. Yeah, I'm feeling resentful today too. Which then brings on the guilt. Ugh. (You blogger friends know I'm not talking about you, right? I don't know what I'd do without your support. It's the people who say call me any time for anything and when you finally give in and ask for help, and then you never hear back from them, that have my panties in a wad.)

So anybody else out there want to mess with me today? Huh? Huh?


Lily said...

lol, I wouldn't dare! Does it make any difference to get your mum doing something energetic before bedtime, to tire her out? Sounds like you could do with a momsitter every so often so you could just go somewhere and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Which is what I'm going to do right now. Good luck!

Mama Pea said...

I have no doubt you're dragging, but you still have a great sense of humor! You just go on and rant as much as you want, Girl! We wouldn't be bloggers if we didn't gain something from saying (typing?) out loud thoughts and feelings that need to be vented.

Seriously, I hope having us out here in Netherland does bring you a bit of solace, as we can't offer you the hands-on help you deserve. Let's hope your mom will be extra tired tonight (from her abbreviated sleep last night) and zonk out for about 10 hours!

JudyP613 said...

nope I don't want to mess with you right now. but I do want to point you towards a few people I've got in my own life.

Cindy said...

The frustration and exhaustion build up. I'm completely with you. I love it when someone says they are worried about me, but when I ask them to do something they ask me why I can't do it. Maybe you just need to hit something (soft, don't break a hand). And, it can get very lonely. We're with you. And, hang on.

sophanne said...

ditto ditto ditto- here's a blogger sending you well wishes and on your side.

rilera said...

That was one of the things that was most difficult for me when I was still caring for Mom at home. Many a day I would go to work and be half asleep. I know how you are feeling.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I wish there was more I could do than send you these words of support from afar.

I hope your Mom is so tuckered out from her shenanigans last night that she sleeps soundly through the night tonight.... then you can, too!

There are going to be good days and bad days, and funny days, and crabby days. No, It's not easy.

You are building up a storehouse of wonderful memories with your Mom. And I thank you for sharing your stories with us. Hang in there, and just stop some time today and feel the love coming across the blogisphere from all of us out here.

~Amanda (gr8aunt)

cornbread hell said...

uncle! i cry, "uncle!"

here, try this for a frustration release.

J said...

(((Annie))) thank you for putting into words things that I feel so often. We keep them with us as long as we can and it's our choice. I don't know why we feel guilty when we post about the hardship it puts on us mind, body, finnacial but I know I do too.
Any of us going thru this or have gone thru it understand. You can vent to me anytime.