Monday, March 30, 2009

Wind & a Rant


We've had a bit of wind. I don't know how far into the ground this limb is stuck, but it is far enough that it is supporting the weight at an angle. I'm glad nobody was under that tree.

Saturday we toured a Memory Care Facility about 40 miles away from me. We're just checking out another spot for respite weekends. The current one she goes to is 80 miles away, so I spend a good part of my day off just driving her there. The first person I spoke with assured me that they can do just a weekend, as long as they have availability. The salesperson that gave us the tour said that she would have to check with the executive director to be sure they can do that short of a stay, their usual respite stay is one month. Great, thanks for wasting my time if the executive director doesn't agree. They knew from my initial conversation that we were only interested in weekends.

There is another MCF about 20 miles from me, but their minimum respite stay is two weeks, and there was no budging them on that. They said that they have found that a stay any less than two weeks really isn't beneficial for the caregiver. Right. I'm an adult, I can decide what is beneficial for me. And since I can't afford to pay for two weeks, I would get no respite at all if not for the MCF 80 miles away. Or I suppose I could go all year 24/7 with no break at all, just so I could afford the two weeks. That doesn't work. I have found that by about week 6 I am starting to break down, week 8 I start crying a lot, and week 12 (I think that's the longest I've gone without a weekend off) I am curled up in a fetal position in the corner sobbing uncontrollably. In my head, at least.

What is the answer? Is it just the MCF's in my area that are like this? How do you other caregivers out there get respite? I really want to know.

6 comments:

Alanna said...

This is so hard, isn't it? We actually moved abroad to where we could afford an eight-hour a day eid for my dad. The aide will also come stay in the house and look after him if we travel.

In the US, we were dependent on the fact that there were 3 of us, so we could take turns with the hard stuff. I was also blessed with extraordinary friends who'd some spend an afternoon with my dad so me, my husband, and my mom could all go out.

We never found respite care that would take dad for less than two weeks, and we couldn't afford two weeks. They never claimed it was for our sake, though - they made the more reasonable claim that the adjustment was too hard on the patient and it was too hard for the facility.

rilera said...

I never looked into respite for Mom so I'm not familiar with what it is like here in the Cities. I think one place did mention that they have month to month respite. I hope you are able to find somewhere close that does weekend respite.

flintysooner said...

I had to use cna's to get a few hours away. The last year my brother stayed over Friday nights for me.

Hard problem.

Annette said...

Why do places have to make everything so difficult for people who have enough on their plate as it is? This seems especially common with siutations that involve the elderly or children with special needs.

We got some horrible wind in Ohio. I woke up in the middle of the night and it was just roaring...

Cindy said...

Have you contacted the Alzheimer's Association? If not locally, maybe nationally? The only option I can think of is a companion in your own home, but that doesn't really give you a break. So far, my brother has really stepped up and helped me. I get an evening out (3 hours) every week. So far so good.

Mare said...

What a shame...I could use respite help too (my husband is a quadriplegic and i am his only caretaker) and have had all kinds of trouble just getting help here and there. You have to know ahead of time when you will need the help, and it has to be for so many days and so many hours per day, and it is very very expensive. Unfortunately you never know when you are gonna be sick so you just slog thru it all. I know all about that fetal position...