Saturday, October 17, 2009

Numb

Mom passed quickly, unexpectedly, and in my arms late Thursday night.

Funeral is Tuesday.

108 comments:

(formerly) no-blog-rachel said...

I am so, so sorry.

Jen said...

Much love to you, Annie. You've been a good daughter, loving your mother so much through the years, caring for her as you have.

Thank you for sharing her story with us.

Clare said...

Sending light and love to you and your family, Annie.

Laura said...

Annie,
My heart hurts for you. Thank you for sharing your story so openly, and for loving your mother so amazingly!
My love and prayers will be with you and your family during this time.

Cindy said...

OH, Sweetie. Damn. I'm sorry for your loss. She is not in pain and no longer confused. She moved on and you were there with her when she went. She felt it. That much I'm sure. Now. Be kind to yourself. You have no regrets. You were the daughter she adored and needed. I think my heart broke again.

Jenn Brown said...

Hello Annie, I first saw you and your Mother on the HBO special, I have been reading your blog ever since. I just want you to know you are in my heart and in my prayers. You were a very good daughter. I wish you much comfort in the days to come!!

Kat said...

I"m so sorry. Words cannot help, but know that you are in my thoughts are prayers. Bless you, and know your Mom is smiling on you now, radiant with all the love and care you lavished on her.

Mary said...

Annie, your Mom will always be in your heart. Thank you so much for sharing her with us.

rilera said...

Oh my God. I'm in shock Annie. You have been an amazing daughter, remember that.

Susan in NC said...

I have been reading your blog for quite a while. I lost my own dear Mother to Alzheimer's 18 months ago. Reading about your mom kept my Mother alive for me in alot of ways -- I'll miss her and her art. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Spinningfishwife said...

I'm very sorry. My own mum died at the start of the year, very unexpectedly and quickly. I remember very well how I felt...and still feel. But, you know, when it's time for someone to go, it's time. I'm sure she was comforted by you being there with her at the end.

Lily said...

Oh Annie, I'm so sorry, but she couldn't have had a sweeter passing. All of us will be there at the funeral in spirit x x

Amy said...

I am so sorry for your loss Annie. You will be in my thoughts & prayers.

Cynthia said...

My thoughts are with you in your time of loss.

Lona said...

Ah, Annie. My sympathies to you at this great loss.

punkin said...

I am sorry for your loss. This is such a shock. Although I am just a stranger, I have found your blog to be full of love and have been visiting for quite some time. My heart goes out to you.

Mare said...

I hope i am fortunate enough to be held in my Loved ones' arms when my time comes. You are a wonderful daughter. I send you my love and condolences.

Maxly said...

I am so sorry, Annie. I will your mom. Her art really moved me.

kayceebeebee said...

Oh, I'm so sorry Annie. I'm glad you were with her. We'll miss your Art of Alzheimer's posts. It was so fast. I'm really sorry for your loss. It was so enjoyable to read your posts about your Mom.

Brangane said...

I am sorry. Thank you for sharing your life together with us. What a wonderful way for her to leave this earth.

Mama Pea said...

Oh, Annie, what a shock.

You gave her so much joy and happiness and I am so glad that she did not have to suffer because it would have caused you to suffer, too.

How wonderful that she passed the way she did. You were her guardian angel for so long, and now she will be yours.

Sarah said...

Oh Annie, you have been an inspiration and a blessing to more than your Mother. So sorry for your loss.
Sarah

Anonymous said...

So terribly sorry for your loss. Your blog of the time spent with your mother and her Alzheimer's Art has really hit home with me. I lost my own mother to the disease in 2003. Please do not stop your blog. We are all grieving with you.

Leslie said...

Please accept my sympathies, prayers and thoughts and please, please take care of you.

Northmoon said...

I haven't been reading your blog for very long, but I am so sorry that your mother is gone.

From the posts you have made about her, especially about her art installations, she sounds like she was a remarkable woman.

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

p2sso said...

I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing her story with us and for letting us know.

joyknits said...

So sorry for your loss - thanks for sharing your posts and her art works. Hugs & prayers!

Marie said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your lives with us, it has helped me (and many others) who are going through similar ordeals in our lives.

Lynn said...

Annie, I am so sorry to read about your mom, but I am very happy that you were with your Mom when she left for a better place. I know it will be hard. Just remember that she is at peace now. We are all lucky to have known her even if it was just through the documentary. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of your family.
Lynn and Joe

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I found your blog at the same time that I saw the (your mom's) documentary. I was very touched by them both, by the love the two of you shared. Wishing you peace.

gale (she shoots sheep shots) said...

I'm so sorry Annie, your mom sounded like such a special person. My thoughts are with you.

Amy in Tampa said...

Terribly sorry to hear this news -- I know I am not alone in shedding tears across the distance and thinking fondly of your mother and her adventures. I only wish there were some message of love and support that could make it easier for you to endure.

Anonymous said...

Dear Annie

Thank you so much for sharing your life and your mom with us. My prayers will be with you. Blessings to you So sorry Mary

yarn-beans said...

I am so, so sorry! Please accept my thoughts and prayers.

Lori

Susan said...

Oh dear, Annie. My heart is just breaking for you. I hope that the knowledge that you made your mama's days meaningful even as this horrid disease was stealing her away gives you some comfort. She will live on in the hearts of many who only knew her from your blog and the documentary. She was so lucky to have a daughter like you...and you were so lucky to have a mama like her. Hugs

Annie said...

Annie, I've been following your writing, loving your stories of your Mom... I lost mine to Alzheimers in April and I know how hard this is... It broke my heart to hear of your loss when I opened the page yesterday... I woke praying for you and will continue to do so as you face the days ahead...
When you can, please let us know how you are doing... God bless.
Claire

Aimee Carlen, Deltona, FL said...

Oh Annie, I am so, so sorry. I have been reading your blog since I saw the HBO documentary. I am an RN who lost her father-in-law to Alzheimer's, and I have so enjoyed seeing your mom's art and your absolutely beautiful farm. You have been so brave and courageous, and such a wonderful daughter to your mother. You have simply amazed me with your strength and love. May God comfort you and watch over you as you deal with your loss. Know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of so many people whose lives you have touched without ever even knowing it.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing her with us.

Rachael

ten said...

You're in my thoughts & prayers. Thank you for sharing your story.

JudyP613 said...

Annie,

My deepest sympathies are with you during your great loss.

JudyP613

mary lee said...

Heaven is one artist richer.

Nancy said...

i am so sorry for your loss. my thoughts and prayers are with you as you adjust to your life without your mom.

Faren said...

You are in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your story and hers.

J said...

O! (((Anne))) You are in my thoughts and prayers.

dragonxser said...

oh Annie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am holding both you and her in my heart today.

Mimi said...

Annie, I am so sorry for your loss.
She was blessed to have you. I wish that all victims of Alzheimer's had as kind and understanding a caretaker as you have been.
Mimis

Anonymous said...

My deepest sympathy.
Lies Spaink

marchwind said...

Annie I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You were an exceptional caregiver, so much love and patients.

Big hugs!

Susan aka Marchwind

Marci said...

I am so sorry. Big big hugs to you. Losing a mom is so hard.

sophanne said...

Oh Annie- my condolences.

lynette said...

Anne, as you can see, you have a huge following of wonderful people to help you thru this. Your mom was so special, and so are you. You have a very special gift. I am so proud to be your friend. I don't think the story ends here. I am looking foreward to the adventures of the future. I also hope I can be there with you.

stash haus said...

Dear Annie, words seem so inadequate at a time like this. Thank you so much for sharing a part of your mom's story and, especially, thank you for sharing her art.

Charlotte said...

You have my deepest sympathy. I'm sure her passing was as she would have wanted it to me, knowing she was being held in arms of love.

Ginger said...

I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing her life and Light with us. The loving care you gave her was an inspiration to me. I'm holding you and your family in my heart, sending Love and Light. Thank you.

Apple Jack Creek said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing so much with us ... your mom's art, the stories of your days, and this, too.

I will hold you in the Light - may you find comfort and peace.

Apple Jack Creek aka Frazzlehead from HT

Gizmo said...

I am so sorry. My heart skipped a beat as I read the news. Thank you so much for sharing her, your life and story with us. We will miss her very much.

Cathy R said...

My sympathies to you and your family.

Celia said...

OH! Oh Annie, so sorry for your loss. I've been following you ever since the HBO special, so delighted was I to find a fiber-related blogger who was also dealing with Alzheimers. Your good-humored posts have been inspirational, as we are dealing with many of the same issues with my MIL. Really appreciate you sharing your story. Sending hugs.

Annette said...

Prayers and condolences to you and your family.

Lynn said...

Numb is good. God is good to let us be numb initially. Crying is good. Sighing is good. Sitting in the sun and just steeping is good. You have touched so many of us by this blog; we grieve with you. We get glimpses from time to time of how others manage to keep their loved ones with them until they depart, but most of the details are not shared. You have been so generous with yourself and that has given added purpose to what you were doing. Please let us continue to see how you proceed. We are privileged to read your posts and to have followed you.

rilera said...

Annie, I wish I could be with you on Tuesday as I'm sure others here wish. We will all be there in spirit remembering your dear mother Josephine and the people whose lives she has touched. God Bless you Annie.

Rhonda from Baddeck said...

Annie, I've been reading but haven't commented before. I think you've done a remarkable job of caring for your mom, and I'm so glad you could be there for her until the very end. Your ability to celebrate the small joys among the difficulties is a reminder that there is beauty everywhere if we'll just pay attention. Wishing comfort and peace to you and your family.

Annie said...

Annie, you and your mom have been an inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing your mom, your thoughts, and her art with us. Please accept my condolences on your loss.

Sarah said...

Annie,
This is a poem that I've always loved. Don't know the author.
Sarah

Your Mother is always with you...
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks.
She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. She's crystallized in every tear drop...
She's the place you came from, your first home...She's the map you follow with every step that you take.
She's your first love and your first heart break...and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, Not space...
Not even death
will ever separate you from your mother...
You carry her inside of you...

Anonymous said...

I was so sorry to read about your loss. I recently found your blog and have enjoyed reading about your mother and the love that you have given her and she you. You have been truely blessed. Deneise

Anonymous said...

Annie, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Many blessings to you. Thank you for sharing your mother with us so generously.

sandy said...

whoosh... words can't say how sorry I am to read your post. Thank you for sharing so much of you and your mother with us.

TheBunny said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, Annie....I know that there are no words that can comfort right now, but know that many hearts are sorrowing with you and many prayers ascending in your behalf.
Nancy

Gayla said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

So sorry...you loved her dearly.

~minta~ said...

wow....i am so sorry to learn of your mom passing. words just dont do it in these times....but my arms cant reach you to give a hug from here in az. please know we are all here for you in support as you make sense of it all & move forward.

we will miss her art....

ellen said...

Love and Light to you, dear in this difficult time.

bleeding heart said...

Please be well. My deepest sympathy.

Marissa said...

Oh, Annie. You are in my prayers. I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I have been following and enjoying your blog for some time now. My condolences. In the short time that I have been reading along with your adventures, I have been astounded by the patience, dedication and loving care that you have been able to provide for your mother. Although I don't really know either of you, I often would think about how proud your mother must have been of you, and how special your relationship was. I hope that you have the time and space to heal, grieve, and spend some time caring for yourself as well as you cared for your mom.

Emma said...

I am so sorry.

I've been following your blog and your story for a few months now, wishing I could have done for my grandmother what you did for your mom. Circumstances were different, of course, but I take comfort from the love, compassion and dignity you shared with your mother, through it all.

You let us love her, through you. Thank you for that, and for all of her beauty, which you shared.

Tracy said...

All warm thoughts to you, Annie, with gratitude for everything you've shared of your extraordinary mother-daughter bond.

Julene said...

Oh, Annie, I am so, so sorry.

Linda said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Cyndi B. said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing her with us. What a wonderful lady!

CarolynRose said...

The many moments you've showed us your mom's relentless eye for art's language are precious to me. I know each and every person with dementia hangs onto how they've always seen life and we caregivers just have to pay attention to how they say it.
Thank you.

Lori1955 said...

My deepest sympathy sweetie. May God hold you close in His arms today.

kimbeads said...

So sorry.
Thank You for sharing such a sweet relationship. I have been blessed every time I checked in on the two of you.I was so captivated watching both of you on HBO.
Thank You for being a wonderful example of a daughter.
God bless and help you through your loss- (Big Hug)
Kim

kimbeads said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kimbeads said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry. Your mother was a remarkable woman, and so are you. Thank you for sharing your lives with us.

Julia

R.G.Sell said...

I am very sorry about your loss. You are in my thoughts!

gtr said...

Deepest sympathies to you from Duluth. We've never met, but I've enjoyed reading your stories. You are a strong person; best wishes with the new paths ahead.

Ann Martin said...

Oh my goodness, I'm so very sorry, Annie. Such a terrible shock for you, not that one can ever really be prepared to lose a loved one. Take solace in the fact that you did all you could to ease her way through the path of this terrible disease.

Ginny said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Rose said...

I am so sorry Annie.

Chicken Mama said...

Oh! My god. I just gasped out loud when I saw your post. I am an occasional reader, stopping in from time to time to see the wonderful photos of your beautiful mother or her artistic creations.

Thank you for sharing her with us. How "good" that she went so quickly and peaceably.

Karen Marshall said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

colleenmc said...

Dear Annie, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your mom have been an inspiration to me. God blessed your mom with a very loving daughter. She and you truly changed my life.

Thistledog said...

Tears came when I read this. I too held my mom in my arms when she passed. Yours fought a good fight like mine did, and won the race at last. Bless you dear for being there with her in her last days and final hours. ~Kay

Brianna said...

You are in my thoughts. I am sorry to hear it, but glad you could be with her. Take care.

Cindy said...

You have been in my thoughts so much lately. I hope you are being good to yourself.

stringplay said...

Thinking of you and your siblings at this time. How fortunate that you and your Mother shared such love.

Claire said...

My heart goes out to you, even though I do not know you, nor did I know your Mom. What I did know was a little of her story, as shared by you. I will miss her art. She was so very blessed to have you as a daughter, and that you were there to hold her as she parted this life. White light to you and yours.

Ruth said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Your mother was an amazing woman.

anncrafts said...

It's so hard to lose a parent. I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. You're in my prayers.

Robin said...

OMG Annie....I'm so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you, you've been such a fantastic daughter, friend and caregiver to your Mom.

(I'm sorry I've been such a bad blogger...this is the first post I've read in a while--forgive me for not being here for you)

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers...
Your thoughtful caregiving has been an inspiration and comfort.

Amanda (gr8aunt)

Danielle said...

Dear Annie,
Thank you for sharing your life with the world. The Alz Project was aired right after my Father passed and watching you, your mother and Joe's story too, really made me feel like I wasnt alone. Just like people have told me...you are a wonderful daughter. Your mother has to be so proud of all that you have done for her. I did a lot of questioning after my father passed. Did I do all I could do...and I finally can accept that yes, I did all I could do and gave him the best life I could in his years with Alz. Now you can go on with your life and make your mother prouder. Not only is she free of this horrible disease but so are you. But I hope that you will always talk about her and the disease. As daughters of Alz I hope you see it as I that its our duty to continue to march in their honor and fight for a cure. You have been in my thoughts since you entered my living room television and you will remain in my thoughts. Good Job Annie and I hope that the rest of your days are filled with gifts from above because you deserve it.
Danielle (Bill's Daughter)
redheaddanyell@hotmail.com

Cinnamin said...

Oh Annie. I'm so sorry. I haven't been checking in, and then...This news. Sending hugs to you and a small smile as I know that as much as you miss her, your mom is now free.

Anonymous said...

Anne,
Thank you so much for sharing your and your mother's story. You cannot even imagine the number of lives you two have touched. I have been reading your blog for a little over a year, and although I have never commented, I have referred many of my friends to it, along with the HBO series.
God bless,
Ken

Miss T said...

Oh no. I am so, so sorry. I've been neglectful of blog reading for quite some time -- focusing on other things -- so my apologies for not keeping up with you. I know you must miss her deeply.